I think that men don’t always realize just how much easier and more uncomplicated their lives are. Now, we get up, scratch here and there (you know where you scratch). We take care of some business, grab a quick shower, shave (if we’re dumb enough), brush teeth, comb hair (if any left), and get dressed.The dressing part is not too hard. What are we doing today? Work? Grab some appropriate work clothes. The most complicated sartorial decision we ever make is boxers or jockeys. Drag on some socks (they may match), drag on the aforementioned shorts. Let’s see, shirt, pants, belt or suspenders, pocket stuff, shoes. Yep. Good to go. Kiss wife, grab coffee, hit road. Done.
Now, for a woman, it gets a whole lot more complicated. Make coffee for the growling beast. Get said beast up. Get kids ready. Get everyone else out. Where were we? Oh, yeah – bath. Well, do I want a bath or a shower? Partly depends on whether the legs and pits need a shave or not. OK, shave legs & pits – bath. Do I have time for some bubbles? What kind do I feel like today? OK, good and clean. Brush teeth. Which clothes? dress, skirt & blouse (business or frilly?), slacks, shorts – not just what do I have to do today, but – who will I see – and where? OK, decisions made. Dress. Nice. This one will do. Where’s that bra that goes with this damn dress?
Bras – my daughter-in-law is very well endowed. 40-DDD or thereabouts. One of her comments on the topic was to the effect that the 70s feminazi bra burners must have been a flat-chested bunch. To hell with what men (or anyone else) wanted, it hurt not to wear a support bra. Another comment was that if men had to drag around that much dead weight, their backs would hurt too and they wouldn’t be so damn fascinated with the things. They get in the way. A lot.
Anyway, bra, got the bra. What kind of panties? Does this dress show a panty line? Got to make it match. Stockings. Which color? At least we no longer have to fool with girdles or garter belts. Panty hose is a good thing. Unless you have to get to a toilet in a hurry. Slip – got it.
Side note: When I was a kid, may be 5 or 6 or somewhere in there, I was curious about everything, as kids are. Now, I had no desire to be a girl or wear girl’s clothes, but I was curious. I tried on my mother’s girdle once. I was, of course, much smaller, particularly around my non-existent hips and butt. I still remember how constricting and straight-jacket like it was. I’m surprised women could walk in those things.
OK, we got all the foundation stuff on. Time for makeup. Damn, used to be easier when we could see without glasses. OK, let’s get the foundation on, mostly by feel. OK, next layer. Let’s see (if we could see it wouldn’t be a problem, dammit!), OK, glasses on, do blush around them, mouth, everything but the eyes. Maybe if we hold the glasses out with one hand we can kind of see enough to do the eyes with the other hand. Nope. OK, do the eyes by feel and guess. Put the glasses on and check it out. Repeat and correct if necessary until it’s right.
Oh! Goodness, which deodorant and cologne? Got ‘em. Now the dress. Carefully, don’t want to smear the makeup or stain the dress. Now the earrings and necklace. Bracelet? Watch? Broach? Maybe a scarf. But – which ones go with. And of those, which do I feel like today.
Hurrah! At last – shoes! Flats? Heels? Wear flats, take heels?
Another side: I taught ballroom dancing many, many years ago. We had to learn the female part in order to teach females. On one of the training days we had to wear (and dance in) heels all day. I damn near killed myself, and these were only about 2 ½” heels. And wow, did my feet and legs ache! I don’t see how women do it, but they do. And it looks good.
Oh my God – the purse from yesterday doesn’t even come close. Don’t panic. Just flip the contents over to the right one. Wherever it is. Found! Changed! Feed the dog, out the door. Ready!
Now a couple of comments here. It isn’t enough just to talk the talk. Women must also walk the walk. You could dress me up all day, and try as I might, I could never hold myself or move so that the dress looked good. There’s something mystical and wonderful about the way women move. But, it’s not just the sex, it’s the gender. I have seen women wear a dress and look almost as bad as I would. I have also seen trannys that looked dynamite (and moved wonderfully). Which is sex and which is gender?
Another comment is that men are not girlfriends. We may not gush about how wonderful you look today. But we notice. And we do appreciate. A lot. And you do too know it. When you cross a room moving good, you know when every male eye in the place follows you. And it feels grand!
Last observation: all that complex stuff is usually accomplished in about the same time as a man takes to get up and dress. Wow. Never mind the traditional (dumb) male jokes about how they wait for women. Women are amazing. One of God’s very best ideas.